The effects of a beetle

"Hey, come over here and look at this," I motioned to my friend. She walked over and copied my position, bending over to look at the sandy, man-made steps near the beach.
"Um, it's a beetle."
"Yup. Isn't it cute?" I smiled. I continued to gaze at the little beetle, wandering about on the small, single step that to it was a gigantic platform. I wondered if it would find its way off and get to a less exposed area soon.
"Er... yeah," she replied hesitantly.
"Hmm... I hope it gets to safety soon. Out here it can get squished easily..." I began to watch the beetle anxiously, urging it with my mind to get off the step quickly.
"Yeah, that's true," my friend said, looking at the beetle with more concern. I suppose even though her thoughts about beetles weren't as extensive as mine, the thought of it getting squished was bad to her as well.
"Hurry up, beetle, hurry up!" I said outloud, half jokingly, and made my friend laugh.

Just then my dad, who was walking down with my mom a little behind us, caught up, and was about to walk over the step when I stood up and said hurriedly, "Dad, don't step on the beetle!"
He looked at me strangely and said, "What?"
"There's a beetle right there. Don't step on it!"
He gave me another look, but this time - it was a look of disgust. He made a noise to show his disgust with me, and lifted his leg. I watched in shock and horror as he deliberately slammed his foot on the beetle with all his might, muttering something as to what was wrong with me.

My heart tugged. He lifted his foot, and I saw the poor, poor beetle's flattened body, now a disgusting mess of bug guts and goo. I swallowed. Just a few seconds ago it had been alive and was scurrying around on the step, as I had watched, smiling. Now it was dead. Just like that.

I didn't want my dad to see how shocked I was at his behavior, or how hurt I was, so I ran ahead without another word to catch up with my friend, who had gone on ahead. All the while, I heard my father grumpily complaining about me... he was saying stuff like, "What is wrong with her? She's caring so much for a beetle!" My mother replied gently, "It's because she's so kindhearted. What's wrong with that?" I ran farther, and eventually their voices faded away.

My friend was waiting for me, and we walked along. I smiled to show I wasn't affected by what my dad did.

We had reached the part of the hike where we actually went down to the beach itself, and everyone walked along near the waves. I began to drift away from everyone else and thought of that moment where the little beetle was squished. I wondered whether my dad was right - I cared too much for insignificant things.

But part of me was angry at my father. He didn't have to kill that beetle! He could've been mad that I was so "caring," but he could've just walked on!! What was with deliberately squishing the beetle??? Did he want my heart to hurt like that? I couldn't believe him.
Then part of me was angry at myself, for my senstiveness. I was pissed I was so angry at my dad. It was just a beetle, for goodness sake. Why get angry at a human for killing an insect? Why feel hurt when an insect died? Why feel so sad that I had to hold in tears, at some parts of the beach walk? For there were times on the walk where I felt a lump in my throat, and my eyes began misting up, and I had to force myself not to cry. Anger at myself would come up, for feeling the need to cry. FOR A BEETLE!!

I didn't feel better for the rest of the walk. I became angrier when I saw my father later, at the end of the hike, whistling and being happy. He obviously didn't see how emotionally messed up I was. (again, for a beetle. WTF is wrong with me??????)

Thankfully, all 3 families went to eat at a restaurant near the beach after the hike, and my friends cheered me up (although they didn't know I was sad/angry in the first place). I laughed and smiled a lot, and all the kids in the 3 families went over one kid's house after the dinner.

I forgot all about the beetle, until the next day. I wonder how long that beetle will continue to haunt me...

~Jenn~

My thoughts on gay marriage...

I was reading a friend's blog about gay marriage, and that made me rethink some things.

I can honestly say that I was a very strong advocate against gay marriage. But now I'm not so sure. I remember that the last time I talked about gay marriage with my friends I got in a major fight with one of them... even though that had more to do with his attitude than the topic... but ANYWAYZ.

My friend's blog was talking about how everyone should have the right to be happy, and also about separation of church and state, and I found myself agreeing with him. Zomg... but really. People should be happy, right? I agree. But at the same time, I think some things should be restricted. Like, if it made someone happy to do drugs, they'd end up killing themselves in the end, even if they weren't hurting anyone else so people let them do that. Or, if someone felt happy by having sex all the time, what if they eventually contracted an STD? These aren't really realistic examples, but that's not really the point...

However, the thing with gay marriage is that I'm against it because it's against my religion as a Christian, but at the same time I just feel morally like there's something WRONG with it, even if it's not hurting someone else. But it is not my position to force others to heed my will, right? I'm just one citizen in the United States of America. It's not my right to tell others who they're allowed to marry. And it's also not my right to impose my religion on others.

So... I was thinking about that. And I've decided that I don't care anymore whether gays get their right to marriage or not. Although if I'm given the opportunity to vote on it, then I'm going to use my right as a citizen to state my opinion on it. But I'm not going to blatantly go off about it like I used to do.

But there's one thing that I can't stop thinking about. I'm imagining a world where gay marriage has been legalized, and I have a family with kids. And my neighbors are a gay married couple. I'm not gonna shun them or ignore them, but at the same time (and I'm just stating my true feelings - I can't change them, so don't pick a fight with me about them) I can't help feel a little bit... disgusted... by what they might do in the bedroom. Of course, whatever they do THERE is their choice... but Idk if I want my future children to grow up in that environment. I want my children to be open-minded and loving to everyone, no matter what, but I also want them to stay firm in the Christian beliefs, and I'm afraid that might weaken if we lived in a society filled with gay couples.

Also... California legalized gay marriage because of 4 liberal judges, who ignored the people's vote and legalized gay marriage anyway. I find a problem with that. But I'm not gonna go into that anymore...

But, I digress. The point of this blog is to say that I don't care anymore. I realize now that I don't have the right to place my religous, even my moral opinion on the law, unless it's the majority's opinion taken in a poll, or whatever. All I can do is to keep to my beliefs, and tolerate everyone, no matter their orientation.

Every time I talk about this subject I feel sick, in the stomach. I can't help it. I can't help feeling repulsed in this way. If you are gay and you are reading this, I am SO sorry for the way I feel. But I can't change this. It's as if it was in my DNA. I will treat you like any other human being I meet - I won't insult you or treat you disdainfully - but my opinion will remain. And I think we'll just have to accept that and move on. Hopefully I can still be friends with gay people. Hopefully they won't hate me for my opinion, cuz I don't hate them. But these are my thoughts...

~Jenn~

No reason to be afraid

I just started thinking this morning about fear and how so often I give into it and let it drive my life. But why? Why are humans always afraid of something? Why is it so difficult for us to master our fear?

I often get ideas about things I should do--something I should say to a person, something I should do, etc. But, automatically, I start thinking about why that's a bad idea--what could happen if I actually went through with my action. But, what's the point if we don't take a risk? And if the thought ended up in our head in the first place, surely it was there for a reason.

Being afraid is about keeping up an image. We think about doing something but then stop to wonder what other people will think of us if we actually go through with it. Will he think I'm crazy? Will he not even answer me? Those questions have flown through my head before. And sometimes I let them stop me. But I shouldn't. No one should let fear take over. If we don't try doing something--if we don't take a risk and ignore the cons for once, we won't get anywhere. And we'll miss so many important opportunities.

I need to remember that the next time I'm seriously considering taking a route that might impact how others think of me. I need to go with my instinct, and look to God and myself for advice. If I have a strong feeling about doing something, then I need to do it.

I think fear might be one of the biggest problems in the world. Hmm...I bet a lot of things can be related to fear. And to obsession and pride, and corruption. Reminds me of war...wars begin when a country or people wants power or prestige, in some form. And fear keeps it going, or sometimes makes it stop.

Now I'm just rambling, though...so I'll stop before I get too far off topic.

~Stephanie

Um... more jumbled up (but not as depressing) thoughts...

So I know that last post of mine was rather depressing, and a little too personal, but I still have shtuff I wanna let off my mind. Don't worry - this shouldn't be as depressing.

I think I'm gonna write with the stream-of-consciousness style, so this will DEFINITELY sound like rambling...

1) Do you ever wonder at how the world's connected with each other? I think we're all connected. And I know people may say that all the time - or at least commercials do, and movies with deep themes do, and all that. But no one really thinks about it, do they? Perhaps they do... I don't know.

I used to ride in the car and stare out the window, looking at nothing in particular, and thinking about nothing in particular.

And then, the car'd stop in front of a traffic light, and these people would be crossing the crosswalk in front of me, and I'd just observe them. Aren't people interesting just to look at, even? I'd see a small, plump woman, holding the hand of a child who looks to be about 6, and pushing along a stroller with a baby in it. She looks tired, and is wearily plodding along with her children. I'd wonder what sorta life she had. Not only as an adult with these children, but as a child my age. What thoughts went through her head? What kind of life did she live before becoming who she was today? Stuff like that... I love thinking like that. It makes me feel ... deep, to be honest. I get to be all sensitive and philosophical, but at the same time I'm genuinely wondering these thoughts.

2) This wasn't originally supposed to be here, but I've decided to mention that my last post was very very negative and narrowminded, and I've experienced so much in the past 48 hours or so that have changed my thinking - in fact, my whole perspective of life. But that'd take too long to explain, so just know that life is valuable, and that God loves you very very much. I don't mind if you reject that statement if you don't believe in God. I'm just saying what's in my heart right now.

Well... honestly this post is the product of starting on it a while ago, and now coming back to this draft and finishing it... so I sort of forgot all my other "philosophical" ideas and feelings I had wanted to talk about before... hehe.. ^^;; Sooooo... I s'pose I'll save that for later, when I actually remember what I wished to say.

~Jenn~

The Grass is Always Greener...

Have you ever noticed that guys who are unavailable are infinitely more attractive than guys who are? If he's in a relationship, you wish you were the girl. If he just has feelings for someone else, you desperately wish he would look your way instead... Why do you think that is? Why do girls want what they can't have? I'm still trying to figure that one out, myself. But I know it's true. And it's not just because all of the most attractive guys are in relationships. A friend of mine recently told a boy who had liked her for some time that she did not share his feelings and wanted to be just friends. He accepted this and moved on. However, my friend confided in me that though she knew he now liked someone else, she kept thinking of him as a potential boyfriend. Why? Because he was no longer interested in her! It feels like everyone does this at some point, and it's probably one of the biggest reasons that teenagers are so angsty. Oh, why doesn't he love me? Why must I be invisible? Why can't I just forget about it and get into a relationship with someone who cares about me as much as I care about them?? Unfortunately, things don't always work perfectly. And when they don't, we get angsty.... I'd be very curious to know whether guys also have the strongest feelings for girls who are not interested in them. I think that it comes from wanting... a challenge? I know it sounds funny, but people climb mountains just because they're there (at least, according to Two and a Half Men... ^^) I dunno. This hasn't really gone in the direction that I intended, but I've been thinking about that, so I wanted to get it out there. So I guess TTFN! Emma

The ramblings of a VERY confused girl...

So I've been going through really tough times for me emotionally, intellectually, mentally, spiritually, and pretty much any other way you can have a tough time. Except for perhaps physically, I s'pose...

First, let's go with spiritually.
I was thinking about life and the future and what will happen to me, and I eventually came up with this desire for life to have no meaning. That there was no Heaven or Hell. That there wasn't even a God. That I would just die and that would be that. Then at least there would be no pain or awareness, where I'd have to think and do things and undergo hardships for the sake of my faith so that I won't go to Hell.

But the thing is, I know I'm not supposed to be thinking this way. And I'm not really sure I'm thinking this way anymore, now that I'd confronted this thought in my head. For one thing, you're not supposed to believe in God so that you don't go to Hell. You're supposed to love God because He's just amazing and He loves you SO much, that you can't help loving Him back. I think I'm having a problem understanding and feeling His love for me. I think I'm having a problem truly believing I am saved. Lately I've been feeling so... just so... FILTHY with sin that I can't stand it, and thus I wished that life really had no meaning, cuz then sin wouldn't exist, right?

Another issue that bothered me was that of predestination (sorry for all the religious talk, but I really need to get this out of my head). I wonder whether that is true or not - that God would only choose certain people to be saved. If so, what if someone wanted to be saved, and believed in God, but because God had condemned him from being saved, that person had to live his life knowing in the end he'd go to Hell? Why would you live?
Then again, if that person really wasn't "chosen" then he wouldn't have even believed in God in the first place, right? Cuz God wouldn't have opened his heart....

But I can't believe this. I can't. I refuse to believe that my God can be like that... when He's supposed to be fair and just and merciful, and most importantly, loving, of ALL his creations, whether they love Him back or not.

Yet, why am I still tortured by this thought, then?

Well, that's that for my spiritual torments... though truly I could go much, MUCH deeper.

Next... emotions...
I've been really moodly lately as well. And very, very sensitive. I don't show that I've been affected by what people say to me, but on the inside I dwell on the words they've spoken long after they've said it. I remember what they said and try to interpret it as to whether they meant that to be mean or they just weren't thinking at the time. I feel hurt and yet try to give them the benefit of the doubt, and yet at the same time I find myself growing angry at what they said and I just can't forget it... sometimes for months...

One day I exploded at one of my friends for something that I s'pose was partly his fault, but also mine, cuz I had no right to be so rude and irritated... well, irritated at him, maybe. But not so rude and mean as I was...
Things escalated even after school and it got to the point where I just didn't want to see his face. But, eventually, with some prodding by another friend of ours, we talked and apologized and things are cool now.

Today my day was going superbly - until lunch time. Which is weird cuz lunch is my favorite time of the school day. Something happened towards the end of lunch that I just couldn't stop thinking about (me and my sensitivity... and my paranoia... and my being a hopeless romantic who is in fact growing impatient... XD).

Other days I try to stop myself from crying in front of someone, from the smallest thing. Perhaps my dad would snap at me for something that was clearly my fault, and I knew it, and yet I'd feel the tears welling up and my lip start to tremble. Or maybe a friend would tell me something and I felt like (s)he was annoyed with me. I hate how I'm so weak and paranoid like that sometimes.

Why do I cry? For what reasons? The fact that I am being scolded? Or being corrected? Why are those bad things? Being corrected is a good thing. Scolded for things I've done badly are good too. Those lectures or correctings will help me develop, so why do I cry? I can't really understand it myself, but I think it's cuz I just don't want to be yelled at, period. It breaks me down. I think it's cuz I'm weak emotionally. And mentally. (the mere fact that I'm speculating my emotional and mental weakness is a sign.) I can't handle criticizm, and I hate that, cuz some criticizm is necessary. I think this has something to do with my fear of failure.. but that's another story. (perfectionism... *sigh*)

Intellectally, meaning schoolwise, I'm under a lot of stress right now. A lot of the burden has been lifted since the AP exams are done with, and I just took my Wind Symphony auditions today, so that's done, and I haven't had much hw. But I have a book project for my english class that I'm totally screwed over for (probably along with the rest of my classmates, XD), and my chem grade has been steadily getting lower... I think I'm just being nitpicky again, but as I said in my very first post, I am a perfectionist. At this point in my life, it's more of a curse than a gift.

Overall I just feel very insecure about myself, my life, and the people around me. I don't really know what triggered this all, cuz I usually appear to be a happy-go-lucky girl. I guess I'm finally starting to grow up.

And guess what?

I hate it.

Jenn

Confusion

There are days when everything in the world seems perfect and wonderful. I walk around the campus of my school in an amazing mood, and I slip easily into hyperness with friends. And there are other days when things hit me, like pieces of lead, and I feel like a wanna collapse and just lie on the ground and wait for my life to sort itself out. That's how complicated my life is. But doesn't everyone face confusion and strife? It's all just part of being human, even if sometimes it feels like I'm the only one with problems. But all of us have our days, and what always comes out of them is growth of spirit and strength. It's the feeling that--if I survived this day, I can survive tomorrow too, right?

Today was kinda one of those days. It was interesting, though, because school was really great. My math test went well, APEL was very chill, etc. I was even in a SUPER good mood after school. But even when my day starts out great, there's always some little thing that reminds me of all the confusion and uncertainty in my life. It feels like that's doubled recently, if that's even possible.

It annoys me that I don't have much control over an aspect of my life. None at all, really. And it has to do with boys...who would have guessed? Boys...they drive a girl crazy sometimes, even to the point of insanity. Looking at my current situation, I sometimes feel like I'm insane. Like it's totally not worth it for me to put any more thought or hope into getting anywhere. I feel like I'm at a dead end in both directions. But the real problem is that I'm stuck there. Once I tried to get myself out and turn around or head a different way, but it didn't work. I ended up right back in the same place. And now I'm stuck there again...perhaps for good. I could try to get myself out of there, but I don't even WANT to. Even though there isn't all that much hope, I keep grasping hold of what's left, forcing it to stay within reach. I don't want to give up. But it scares me, because I'm afraid I'll end up hurting myself if I keep at it. I wonder how much this body and soul of mine can handle. Am I just being stupid? Did I already lose the last strands of hope? Or am I being wise in keeping at it, in not giving up. I suppose I haven't even tried very hard...maybe I need to put more into it. Maybe I'm missing something.

All this confusion...I feel like I didn't even cover all of it. Life is full of this confusion and strife and it's ever so complicated. But I suppose that's what makes it better, ya know? In the end, I'll be happy and content. I'll look back on this and find something good in it, even if right now it feels like the only result is hurt. I guess I just have to keep moving forward and trusting God to lead the way to my future.

~Stephanie

Love Letter Written On A Napkin

To a bestest friend,

Let me preface this by saying that you should know that I am not the kind for sappy, emotional talk. I thought that Rose was stupid for jumping off of the lifeboat the second time, and do not even get me started about the Notebook. Remember that I told you all of this while we were watching Transformers? My humor is sometimes as pointed as my two-inch heels, which, considering your height, I should not have been wearing anyway. With that being said, I cannot believe that I am even writing this.

While working Prom the other night, I got to see the couples there. As the limos trickled in from dinner and the couples braved crossing through the cold night, the oversized tuxedos draping over the girls' slender shoulders made me reminisce about you. I know that it is currently the public opinion that I am almost official with someone else, but it is moments like these when I have you on my mind. He's nice, but he's not you. When people ask about you, I chuckle and brush it off with an "Ofcourse not," but inwardly I glow.

When he walks me to my locker, I try to open it slowly so he won't see what's on the inside. It's not that my untouched APEC Study Guide is particularly scandalous to anyone other than Mr. L, but it does cover the first bouquet that you ever gave me, the first bouquet that I have ever received. And that gold music note from that dance hangs above my desk, giving me inspiration when it's late at night, the Vitamin Water is half empty, and the double spaced essay only half full.

I am honored that you chose my incoherent doodling as the cover for the binder that you painstakingly spent a Saturday afternoon organizing. I am honored that we can compile a binder twice that size with just our inside jokes.

And I hope that at this time next year, the color of your tie will match with my dress.

Love,
T.

El Oh Vee Ee

Hi. I'm Laurissa. And I'm a hopeless romantic.

Often times I daydream about my future, and it always begins with my husband. Who will it be? What will he be like? etc, etc. And often times now, I see a boy fill that spot in my head. Which is weird, because he's my first boyfriend. But it's also not so very weird, because that has happened before, where a girl marries her first love or childhood sweetheart or whatever. But I feel so very blessed to have him as my boyfriend because when you get down to it, he's my best friend. And I think that's the best way to be in a relationship. Be best friends beforehand, otherwise, in my opinion, you don't have that close a bond as you would it you just liked each other and went out. My boyfriend and I went through all that, being friends, then realizing we like each other, then being friends with that awkward tension, then finally, I just said, "Screw it, I like you but if you don't like me, then we are going to be best friends." haha. And that's how it was for a while because despite the fact that he liked me back, he had a girlfriend at the time. But they broke up about a month later, and it still took him five more months to tell me he wanted to be with me. And since then, our friendship has gotten even better. I tell him basically everything, and we both like that because it means we trust each other. Trust is so important in a relationship because you can't build love on lies. And for me to be able to tell him some things that I have, that took a huge step on my part because I take forever to trust people, but with him, I just did.

So, I think our "connection" is a lot stronger than most couples' my age... but it's also a bit different because he's 17 almost 18. He knows what he wants in a girl, and hopefully I am that... you're probably scared that a 15 year old girl is talking about seriously considering marrying her first boyfriend, but sometimes when you have that feeling, it can be right. Especially as a Christian and thinking that... and God isn't giving me any signs that I shouldn't be thinking that... it's kind of cool.

Now there's just the trouble of, will he wait for me? I want to go to college. I want to live life a little, but I want to do that with him... but can he wait that long to marry? I pray that he can. And I pray that I can. So many times I've thought, "Meh, I don't need to go to college." But I think I do. And I want to. *sigh* The future is so unpredictable.

But I do know that I want to be with him in my future. I pray that he wants me in his, too. :]

Emotions

Hi, I'm Michelle and I usually keep my emotions to myself because I don't want people to look through the cracks and see the weaknesses. Sometimes, I sound like I'm writing a song, which I usually try to do because it serves as an outlet for my emotions. Recently, I haven't been capable of writing lyrics because I've been avoiding my feelings, but now I think I know what direction I'm going in. I won't post the lyrics on here because I don't want anyone to take them.

Anyways, here is a song that I've recently come to enjoy because it reminds me of summer, which is almost here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkHTsc9PU2A&feature=related

I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that i melted
I fell right through the cracks, and i'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out i'll be givin it my best test
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love
listen to the music at the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melody
It's your god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved Loved

So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate, i'm yours

*scat*

I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass
and so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm a sayin'is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait, i'm sure
(there's no need to complicate
our time is short
it cannot wait, i'm yours 2x

no please don't complicate, our time is short
this is our fate, im yours.
no please don't hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait, the sky is yours!)

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la one big family
it's your god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved
open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la happy family
it's our god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la peaceful melodies
it's you god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved..

 Emma said she was the romantic in the sense that she is in tune with others emotions.
On the otherhand, I'm the romantic who likes watching sappy romantic movies, reading
books with a cup of tea or hot chocolate on a rainy day, and imagining the love that is waiting
out there for me. I realize that love is not the perfect happy ending found in most movies because
movies are fictional and in reality, love has its ups and downs. I'm not an expert in this subject of life
and I wouldn't count on myself finding love anytime soon, as much as I want to. Yet, I'm kind of glad
that I haven't found the type of love shared between couples, where they both care about each other and
are in tune to each other's personalities, because I'm busy with school and family. But what if I'm making
that claim as an excuse to avoid finding love. I have my friends and family beside me and I'm content with
the love I have for them and receive from them. Well, that is enough from me for the moment. Perhaps,
I should stop looking for love, and it'll just come.

Until next time,
/\/\ichelle

A Treatise on Human Nature

There's going to be a lot of these in the future, I'm sure. Well, here's the first, I suppose... Today I have come to the conclusion of several things: 1.) A Tale of Two Cities has, essentially, no bad guys. No one person can be blamed for bad things that happen in the story, because they’re not doing anything to “better themselves.” They’re only doing what they feel is right, especially due to previous wrongs done to them. Like, Sydney Carton. He is a miserable wretch, and yet willing to give his life for those the cares about. He falls in love with Lucie Manette, yet feels incredibly unworthy of her love in return, because she is a kind, good-hearted person and beautiful person, inside and out. Though he knows she loves another, Charles Darnay, he one day swears her to secrecy and confesses his true feelings to her. She does not return his love, but feels compassion and pity for him (which is really all he asks of her), and wants to help him in whatever way she can. He gives her up to Darnay, because it will make her happy. He has, in all honesty, given up on himself because he has no faith in happiness for himself anymore. So he devotes his life to those he cares about--Lucie and her family (because anything and anyone that makes Lucie happy will make Sydney happy). Though he is a depressed drunk, a lost cause, someone who will ever be able to fulfill the potential he once had or do anything more with his life, he is a good person. In fact, he is probably the best human of the story, because he martyrs himself to save Charles, Lucie’s husband. He goes to the guillotine in his place to insure that Lucie’s family can go on living. For this, though he is first portrayed as hopeless, he is truly the hero of the story. For those who have never read A Tale of Two Cities, I’m sorry. I just spoiled the ending for you. But I believe that it is worth it to read anyway (though I acknowledge my bias, as it is my favorite book of all time) and my speculations are still meaningful (also biased, cuz I’m pretty sure I’m amazing =D). Now, let me turn the focus of my discussion to another, rather less saintly character, Madame Defarge. She is the wife of a wine seller, and when the bloody frenzy of the French Revolution strikes, she is gladly swept into its midst. She has seen the poorest of the poor and knows what the richest of the rich are capable of doing. So as revolution brews, she knits, always knits, and into her knitting transcribes a list of those who she deems need to be punished for crimes against humanity, once the brewing turmoil finally erupts into revolt. She is ruthless, and if one WERE to deem one character as the book’s “villain,” she would most likely be their first choice. She loses favor because she demands that one of the story’s heroes, Charles Darnay, be sent to the guillotine, because he is the son of an aristocrat who viciously abused and murdered her family. Though Charles had renounced his family and chosen to live peacefully under an English name, Madame Defarge still insists that he be killed, to avenge her family by fulfilling the curse on his house that her brother had laid with his dying words. With this demand, the reader is to think that she has gone too far (and she has). She takes matters into her own hands when she tries to kill Lucie and their child, and when she is killed in the process, the reader is meant to feel no remorse, because the innocent are safe. Or, as a well known musical puts it, “No one mourns the wicked.” But was she really that wicked? Can you really call her a villain for trying to avenge her family? The murderer was never caught, never punished for his crimes. Can you call Madame Defarge wicked in her desperation for SOMEONE to pay for everyone she loved being stolen away from her? I don’t believe you can. Certainly, you can say that she was wrong to blame Charles for his father’s crimes. No child should be punished for what their parents have done. That is Madame Defarge’s mistake. But she is not evil, and I do not believe that anyone in A Tale Of Two Cities is. 2.) Everyone is a little bit guilty for the tragedy in Frankenstein--Victor, the creature, and society. I come to this conclusion because each can be blamed for driving one of the others to do something to further the tragedy: Education drives Victor to create, but he creates something ugly because he wants to succeed as quickly as he can to get glory; society rejects the monster because he doesn’t fit in; and the monster tries to destroy everything Frankenstein holds dear and decides to wage war against humanity because he is given no love or acceptance (the list can be expanded to include more of the individual events of the book, but that’s about the gist of it). What I wonder is, do they (or we) really benefit from playing the blame game? The course of events leads from one thing to another almost as if there WAS no alternative. But there IS, isn’t there? What if Frankenstein had loved his monster instead of running away? Well, then the story wouldn’t be a tragedy, I suppose. But that story probably could not have been written in the way that this one was, because Frankenstein’s author, Mary Shelley, put a lot of her own feelings into the story of the monster. She too felt like an abandoned child, her father distant, cold and unloving, her mother dead... But back to Frankenstein. If he had cared for his creation, he would not have driven him to lash out at the world. Certainly, the monster was not beautiful, but he would still feel accepted, at least by the one person who should appreciate him most--his creator. And, truly, isn’t that the one thing all humans want more than anything else? To be accepted? To be LOVED? I think it is. Why else would we do all the things that we do? We say things to make people like us. Get into the new trends to fit in. Try to make ourselves look good. We’re trying to get in with people, because we need constant reassurance that we are good enough. Good enough for what? I’m still trying to figure that out, because I’m looking for reassurance just as much as anyone. But people long for companionship and acceptance. That’s human nature. So why is it that no matter how much we others to appreciate us, we constantly reject others before we really get to know them? 3.) Life isn’t a Disney movie. There are no clear cut good guys and villains. Everyone has some good and some bad in them. Sometimes, good people do bad things. Sometimes, people make mistakes, and mistakes have repercussions. Sometimes, there is no happy ending. I wish this lesson could be learned a little earlier in life. 4.) Speaking of Disney movies, though... Aladdin’s singing voice is totally hot. J Well, that’s a lot of my thoughts on humanity. I can think of a lot of literary allusions that apply, but I’ve only got so much patience for writing these theories down... So, I guess TTFN! Emma

An Analysis of Tears, Analyzing, and how they relate to each other.

So, I've been working on this story of mine and I'm continuously struck by how writing about something makes it easier to understand myself, others, and even life in general. I always think of writing a story as documenting a journey that already happened, so I'm discovering things just as my characters are, but maybe a few steps ahead. And my discoveries always lead to something new and interesting that I can relate to my own life in this world.

What I was writing today got me thinking about crying. Why is it that people cry when they are sad or stressed? It seems like an image or a metaphor--shedding tears allows a person to literally shed the sorrow or other strong emotion being felt at the time. And when a person cries without having a clear reason why, it's because there is some strong feeling hidden underneath. I can say from person experience that sometimes it's much easier to push something inside of myself rather than bring it out into the open and analyze it to make things better.

Oh, analyzing. For the longest time, I've passionately hated analyzing literature in school. But recently I realized I enjoy analyzing, and I do it all the time. What I hate is when educators tell you your opinion is incorrect. They make us write essays that analyze poems or fiction or art, in which we have to discuss why something is the way it is in the work, but if your perspective happens to be different than the one on the grading sheet, your score goes way down. How is that fair? It's like they're trying to make us think a certain way. But I want to think in MY way, not according to their guidelines.

But now I'm veering off the topic...it's funny how the human mind works like that. I see it all the time in random conversations with friends--we start out talking about one thing, and end up on an entirely different subject. The mind works REALLY fast in that sense, relating one thing to another in the blink of an eye. Pretty cool when you think about it.

Back to crying...actually, I'll talk about the analyzing part. Over-analyzing. Oh my goodness. I do that ALL the time. And not in school, not when I'm writing an essay, but out in the real world. Simple comments make me think of all the different possible reasonings. Sometimes it's useful to be so prone to analyzing, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's just really annoying. And I think that's one of the reasons why I often push my true emotions and feelings deep down inside--because I know that if I think about them, I might start thinking too much, and everything will become more complex, when it's supposed to get more simple. Sometimes I think it's better to not think about things, and just let life flow forward at its own pace. But if we do feel like crying, we should still let the tears fall. Because even if we don't search for the root of the problem, there's something about shedding tears that makes pain and sadness and stress go away for a while. In that second when the last tear falls, it feels like everything in the world is perfect. And sometimes we need to think that.

~Stephanie

Hooray for Spazztic Bloggers!! ^^

Hey there, all you random people who probably don't even care who I am!! :) I'm Jennifer. It's very nice to have you read the nonsense that I (and my friends) write. Thank you very much, haha.
Well, that's the greeting if ANYONE'S gonna be reading this... besides the people I know. I hope SOMEONE does - it'd be cool to have affected someone simply by rambling online.

Well, anyway, this is supposed to be introducing who I am and what I'm like and all that. So...

Hm, what am I like? I wonder... I s'pose I should give random snippets of my personality...well, if you were to see me in person, chances are I'd be distant and introverted, but if you get to know me I'm actually very open and hyper. Too open and hyper... >.>;;

I love to read (anything, really - but I love fantasy and romances), write (silly, random stories), and draw. Ummm... I'm very spazztic and love to make outbursts - apparently it's very entertaining to my friends... My friends are very dear to me. I work really hard at school and in everything I do - I'm a perfectionist, actually. It's a terrible thing... a gift and a curse, really...

Music is one of my passions - in that sense I'm really emotional. I love listening to music, from instrumental to musicals to those regular bands. I also love playing the piano and flute, and when no one's listening, I love to sing (badly). There's something magical about music, isn't there? It just pierces your soul, when you're in the mood. :) I love it so...

Anime and manga (sadly) are my other passion. I hate how I love it so much...even though I don't get into many animes, the ones I do get into I'm very passionate about... but yeah, for all you anime fans out there... hi! ^^ If you like anime, comment! Tell me which ones you like! :) It'd be nice to check out some new anime. My favorite animes are Bleach, Naruto, Ouran High School Host Club... hm. Not that many animes, I suppose. As for manga I read Bleach, Naruto, Angel Diaries, SkipBeat! (my absolute favorite), The Crimson Hero, and Fruits Basket.

Er... I don't wanna write too much, so I guess I'll stop for now. Hope you check back at this website later!! ^^

Jennifer :)

Introducing...

Hi there! The name is Stephanie :)

I like to sound intellectual when I write. In fact, I do it kinda without thinking. And writing is totally my thing :) I write stories that allow me to put my own experiences onto paper but in the life of a character, which helps me understand myself better. Outside of that, I'm an interesting person, I think...very serious at times, but I can also be hyper. Most of the time I'm in between. My life isn't always great, but I'm learning to deal with hard times and find beauty in everything.

Well, that's me in a nutshell! If you keep reading, you're likely to learn more about me in the future, though. Human beings are insanely complex, so there's no way I could tell you everything about me in a single post.

~Stephanie

Welcome to Our Minds!

Hello. Welcome to our minds. :) I would like to introduce to you the writers of this blog, Tiffany, Emma, Stephanie, Jennifer, Michelle, and Laurissa. We decided that people would find the recesses of our brains quite fascinating, plus it's really fun to ramble! Each one of us will write a post one at a time (No, we won't all be sitting at the same computer at the same time... we have to take turns...) and sign it, so that any regular readers (though I do doubt that there will be any) will be able to get to know us and our ideas! Doesn't that sound like fun? Sorry. I'm in a random mood right now. ^^ Which brings me to my introduction. My name is Emma, and I am a romantic. Not a lovey-dovey, romance movie romantic (although those are nice on occasion, when it's raining and you have a cup of hot chocolate in hand and fluffy slippers on your feet...). I am much more like the romantics

of the 19th century, because I LIVE by emotions. I'm really in tune with the people around me, and I put a lot of emphasis on what I feel. People say that I'd be a really good psychologist... It's probably true, too. I love people, and I love helping people.

And that's all you get to know about me for now! (unless...you know... you actually KNOW me... ^^)

TTFN!

Emma