Selfish

Emma's last post definitely inspired me. It made me feel really bad about how selfish I am.

It's like every single day of my life has to revolve around ME. We're having steaming hot weather here in California--it's literally BAKING when I go outside. So I've been staying indoors a lot, trying to find ways to occupy my time. And it's really hard. Several friends are away on vacation. My inspiration for writing dwindles on sunny days like these. So I sit at my computer clicking the "Facebook" button over and over again. I switch songs on my I-tunes, listen to the same ones over and over again. Wait for someone to send me an IM message. Get annoyed and play my guitar. And then get annoyed because I'm not good enough yet--I'm so limited by my skill, even though I do know quite a bit, when I think about it.

But my point is that I get annoyed at my own boredom. I'm not satisfied with the fact that, besides the lack of things to do, I'm at a pretty good point in my life. I let the heat and sweat get the better of me, even though I have the fan on high in my room at this moment. I'm really not that hot indoors. Worse things could be happening than a prolonged period of sunlight.

I'm incredibly selfish like that. I always focus on my own problems, my own wishes, everything about my own life. And I get mad when things don't go the way I wish they would. It's like it's impossible for me to step outside my skin for even a minute and think about other people and the problems they have.

I wish I could change it...I wish I could sit here in my room and keep smiling as I strum out a new song on my guitar. I wish I could only be sad for other people. I wish I could be happy with my life and step away from it for a bit to let it run its course. Complaining won't get me anywhere--it will just make me even more annoyed.

Ahh "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz just popped into my head :] I love that song! Every time I listen to it I feel happy. It gives me hope and gives me this feeling that I need to keep enjoying life and look past the bad stuff. "Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours."

~Stephanie