Family and Friends... or is it "or"?

I don't know why I keep posting new blogs, especially when my posts don't make any sense. Ah well...

Anywayz, I was thinking in the car on my way home from school today, about something that I've thought about many times in the past. I want to know what exactly is a friend? What are they for? And how far are you supposed to go for your family? Shouldn't you have family AND friends? There shouldn't be times where you have to choose between the two, right?

Friends can vary as to the strength of your ties with them. Some friends are nothing more than light acquaintences you can say hi to and walk with sometimes in the halls at school, and laugh with in class. Others are closer, and they eat lunch with you and hang out with you outside of school. And still others are like your second family, and you exchange all your secrets with them, and trust them completely. (And then there are those "friends" who are actually backstabbers... but that's not the point of this post.)

Family, on the otherhand, are the people bonded to you through flesh and blood - it wasn't your choice to be related to them but you are. And families are SUPPOSED to love each other - they're supposed to be the people you love the most and stuff like that...

But there are a lot of messed up families in the world.

Some parents are neglectful. Or nonexistant... or dead. Or abusive. Etc.
Some children are troublemakers. Distant, hateful, silent. Etc.
Some siblings absolutely HATE each other. Etc.

I don't know... isn't that just a sad, heart-wrenching thing to know? Why can't all people live in lovely, loving families? But anyway, I didn't really want to talk about that... I guess I got a bit off topic.

Families (meaning parents, really, since I'm a child and am writing this from that point of view) shouldn't place barriers between you and your friends, right? If your parents are controlling the things you say to your friends, then what's the point of having those friends? It's like writing letters to someone and having someone else censor all of them. None of what you really want to say is getting through, so the receiver of the letter has no idea of the REAL you, and all that. You might as well stop writing letters...

But... shouldn't a child obey their parents? In the culture I was raised in, you're supposed to obey your parents even when they're wrong. Which I really resent, by the way... But that's my culture.

And so... if parents DID do that... what is a child to do? If they obey, they end up feeling isolated from their friends, presenting a fake front. If they refuse to obey, and the parents find out, that causes major problems at home. So, which is more important, your family or your friends? This brings to mind that saying, "Friends are the family you choose."

Am I coming across here? Does anyone reading this understand what I'm trying to say? I don't think parents should do that. But if there's an issue at home that a kid wants to talk about to their friends, you know, to have someone there for them when their foundation, their family at home, is having problems, what is the kid supposed to do? That family issue is personal... belonging to the family. So... the parents tell the kid not to tell anyone else about their problem. But that kid is dying inside to tell someone, otherwise they'll be infected by this darkness that they can't get rid of, cuz it's bottled up inside them. That's not very healthy, is it? But that kid has obligation to their parents...

I know some of you will read this and go, "Duh! The kid should tell their friends!" But my mind grew up in a family where friends are supposed to be second... where friends live on the outskirts, with a wall inbetween, while the family lives in the center. So I honestly don't know the answer to this question. I'm an American-born Asian. The "Asian" in me is clashing with the "American" in me. I just don't know the answer to this question...

~Jenn~